(source: deleted tumblr)
[ TRANSCRIPTION: A tweet which says,
We’re failing trans men.(A link and screenshot of the National LGBTI Health Alliance organizations’s statistics page are shown. The screenshot is of the 2020 statistics page which says
Rates of psychological distress for gay men, lesbian woman, bisexual men, bisexual woman, and transgender woman declined with age, the next part is highlighted.Rates for psychological distress among transgender men were consistantly high accross all age groupsThe next tweet says
Keep a keen eye out for discrimination against transmascs, *ESPECIALLY* from the rest of the LGBTQIA+ community. I have seen many trans women fall into this.END TRANSCRIPTION ]
Stand up for your mates and shut down the discrimination.
(source: deleted tumblr)
[ TRANSCRIPTION: “dunno about the rest of u lads as i can only speak for myself but WOW IS THIS ACCURATE. being a trans guy in my experience is incredibly lonely and incredibly upsetting. not because being a trans guy inherently sucks [it's wonderful! i love who i am!] but bc there's so little visibility or support for us. and so MUCH hatred that's so SO normalized that most people don't even know they're actively hurting us#. [frowning face] it really sucks man!!. END TRANSCRIPTION ]
transcribing these tags (from a user I will keep anon) for those who read this and automatically dismiss it. this is an experience a LOT of us have but don’t feel safe talking about
yeah. ....yeah.
i don't have to consider myself a binary trans man to still experience very similar and often exactly the same transphobic bullshit as binary trans men. just... god. i should've known i guess, as i've always felt at the fringes of every single aspect of society, even amongst other "weirdos", so the hostility even from other trans people should never have surprised me. and yet it was still immensely both disappointing and incredibly painful to have to unfollow multiple trans women who i followed before they decided to descend into rampant transmasc and nonbinary bigotry and hatred.
i'm aware nobody is immune to falling into behavioral patterns that are harmful to other people, even to people you share an axis of oppression with. you have to always be vigilant, always trying to analyze yourself and your space to keep from sliding down the easy path of causing more harm. but it's still just.... god. it is so lonely sometimes. thankfully not fully, i have met plenty of fellow queers who are also vigilant against falling into jackassery which does include a lot of trans women who are just cool people and not spiteful towards transmascs. the good people keep me from giving up entirely. they give me hope. i'm not sure if i'm capable of feeling any kind of true belonging anymore, my internal state is honestly royally fucked just from how much shit i've been through at this point, but at least feeling like it's pretty likely these people won't throw me under the bus given the slightest inclination to is something.
god, it's just so hard to feel safe. as a trans person even in my own trans community. i think it's part of why the stupid media policing stings so damn much, i'm denied even the smallest scraps of safety by other people very demonstratably showing they can and will flay me for petty nonsense like tv shows. i wanted to write another post on it but i think i'll let it go for now, it's unlikely anyone has read any of this anyway (does anyone even go to this journal besides me making sure my code isn't freaking out?) and honestly, it doesn't matter. people who want to read my posts in the most uncharitable possible way are going to do so no matter what i do. they're not going to listen when i say the entire point of all that rambling which didn't even make this point very well at all, was to say the way you treat real people matters far more than whatever media you're watching or not watching. it matters more than your internal values because if you're not treating real people well, it doesn't honestly matter if you're a bastard "inside" or not. actions are what count, and shaming regular-ass people who aren't rich or influential in any way over inconsequential shit are actions that won't get us anywhere good or any closer to a community people can thrive in.
sigh. but anyway.
i am going to a star viewing at some point, and am both looking forward to it and find the prospect of it exhausting. doing anything, even events i'm really looking forward to on a personal level, is always exhausting and involves a careful management and gauging of what little energy i have scraped together to determine whether i can even still do the thing at all without overextending myself into hell the next day. thankfully i'm largely a homebody and mostly don't even want to leave the house for anything not strictly necessary but the small amount of things i do want to do are just tedium. it boggles and amazes me this isn't something everyone deals with, that "normal" is just going and doing enjoyable things. i feel like people who knew me when i was younger might say i never did this years ago, but i've always felt drained of energy and was just heavily conditioned when i was younger to completely disregard my own needs and wants, especially since i lived in a family where no, i don't want to go to that
didn't mean anything except i would be dragged along anyway.
i do like stars a lot, though. i mean. obviously given the layout of this site lmao but i hope to see some nice things. there's even supposed to be cake... i hope there's some left by the time we get there. please star cake please be there