man lol can anything go right
WoW's patches just feel too close together this expansion and it's really starting to get overwhelming. i honestly wasn't ready at all for a new patch, and it only took a few hours of going around doing the new quests and the new zone before i started to get incredibly strong burnout feelings. just going to hope they go away by next week because lol you can't really afford to be in raid logging burnout mode at the very start of a new patch.
it's really exacerbated by that i always feel behind gear-wise, and it's a constant struggle to not feel like i'm letting my group down, to not let it get to me when threat is constantly ripped off me by the rest of my group in the equivalent of mythic raid gear. frankly, i'm still not convinced M+ is hard enough at 16 to give mythic raid level gear; it's not like my group is a mythic raid group. i wish they'd just divorce M+ and raid gear from each other the way they did PvE and PvP gear so i don't have to feel constantly behind even when fully heroic raid geared because my group is fully mythic raid geared. and i know i'm not the only one who feels this way, i've seen plenty of the other side of M+ players being frustrated and pissed off by having to potentially raid to get their BiS trinkets.
every time this comes up though, i just get told to do the content if i want the gear, but why? why should i have to do content completely unrelated to raiding, that i fucking loathe and think is the worst content that has ever been added to WoW, to get gear for raiding, the content i actually fucking like? by this logic gear should be combined again and we should all be having to grind out 1700+ arena rating just to get the best gear for raid or M+.
just tired of it. hard not to resort to what i used to do with priests and the heal spell in RO, which was just intentionally instigating people being pissy just by saying things like "heal should have a cast time :3" within earshot of people i knew would get mad. it was some kind of catharsis for the game being broken in ways that excluded me. i don't think that's very nice to do as i am now, but sometimes it crosses my mind and i wish i were just a little meaner, so at least i could get a laugh out of the bullshit of everything.
just really sucks, as WoW is one of my strongest special interests and it's hard to engage with anything now that i feel burnt out on it, even other things that interest me. part of me just feels like i should quit raiding entirely so i stop having to worry about when patches come out and maintaining my gear even if everyone will just outgear me almost instantly anyway, but WoW raiding is one of my favorite online activities and i feel there's something missing from my enjoyment online when i can't engage with it that other things can't fill. even dota can't fill that spot, much as i love it.
i guess it's whatever. nothing will change, and if it does change it only will for the worse, like the addition of M+ and the fucking horrendous new talent system. absolutely awful. i will buy myself a cake and eat the entire damn thing myself if either but especially if both of them are ever deleted permanently from the game, but i don't see that happening as they're very popular.
bleh. sometimes i wish i didn't still like this game so much despite all its horseshit. almost makes me wish FF14 actually lived up to even a tenth of all the glowing, lavish praise people have given it. god, i can't stand the way people talk about that game, propping it up on the highest pedestal, immediately becoming hostile to the point of viciousness if you don't echo their praise of the game. i don't like it. it's just not a good game. i'm exhausted from having to pretend otherwise to save face around people so i'm not forced into even further isolation, exhausted from having to exaggerate how much i liked certain aspects of the game just so i'd have something good to say about it to people expecting me to praise it.
oh well. no use lingering forever on what could have been, or how things would be if they were different, i guess. it's just so difficult to bear the weight of the small things crushing you when they sit atop the other, much larger and much more inescapable things also crushing you. i just need distraction and solace, and when i can't get that from little things like video games i (am supposed to) enjoy, what do i even have?
this journal feels like it's turning into my old depression deadjournal, which i spent years feeling like was cringe as hell, and maybe it kind of was but man there was a lot to be depressed about then; there's a lot to be depressed about now.
hm. bleh. maybe i'll try to force myself to work on some of my other website projects and see if i can take my brain's game fixation and move it to something else. i've had very little success doing that, a thing i'm fixated on changing in a way that gives me a super bad negative reaction like this tends to just poison my ability to enjoy anything at all, but i guess it's worth trying. i didn't want tonight to be miserable... i wanted to enjoy myself. i didn't need another reminder nothing good will last, and the pain of everything will linger far longer than you ever want it to.
oh well.